Sacred Reciprocity | Making Offerings & Receiving Responses
Do Ut Des is a Latin phrase from the pagan folk of that area which loosely translates to ‘I give so that you may give’. For me this phrase has been so crucial in helping me move my head out of the naturally transactional state of the world that we live in into one of reciprocity- especially when working with non-human allies such as the plant spirits, animals, ancestors, deities, and even other humans as well.
In its original form, do ut des is actually a communicative contract. So this is one of the coolest things about the statement and why I use it in my ritual practice so much. The contractual part of it is that we're saying ‘I give so that you may give’ in a way that locks that cycle of sacred reciprocity in. It basically says ‘I'm giving you something in this moment and I'm doing it in a way that allows for you to give something in return… I'm clearing a space out within myself and within my life that can only be filled by the particular blessings that I seek from you.’
The other side of this is the meditation on reciprocity. Do Ut Des says ‘I give so that you may give’ not ‘I give so that you will give’… it's not transactional, it's not coercive, it's not manipulative, it's not domineering, it's not blackmailing. This phrase is concealing a deep amount of mystery around ritual and offerings and why sacred reciprocity is the foundation of all animism, all sorcery, and all spiritual practices for those that seek to cross the hedge or move through the veil that separates the worlds that run concurrent to one another.
Most of us in the western world are familiar with the gifting and receiving cycle as being transactional- I will give you X amount of money and in exchange you have to give me the thing that I want. I will do this thing for you which seems like a selfless giving act but really it's so that I can butter you up to get a favor from you later. Everything is based on transaction- giving something solely in order to get something. The nuances between sacred reciprocity and transaction are very subtle, but they're there one of the big things that we have to meditate on. The sentiment and the mood of giving something can look like reciprocity on the surface, but it's the sentiment of the giver and maybe even the receiver that changes things because with transactional giving and receiving the power is in the giving… it's in the thing being given and the perceived value of that thing and what is in it for me. With reciprocity, though, the mood changes and it's actually all about moving something of value- whether it's a physical thing, your time, your energy, your attention, whatever from your world whether it's from inside of yourself like offering the breath or poetry or song or from your world of provisions like making a physical offering that you were able to procure based on hours you worked at your job or something you crafted by your own hands.
Here we are moving that offering from our world into someone else's world- moving it across the boundary that separates us from otherness, and in so doing some mysterious things happen! You will not hear very many people talk about this but it's so very important and something that in the past I really reserved for my in person apprentices… but let's get into it because it's so misunderstood (and so very important to this work!).
The Three Mysteries of Sacred Reciprocity
When we give with Do Ut Des- when we give with the sentiment of ‘I'm giving something to you that's meaningful, that I feel like you'll like, that I feel like honors you, that I feel like has value for you as a person- it changes the energy of things completely and engages the heart. It's less about ‘what am I going to get in return for this?’ and more about ‘how can I get you to accept this and be happy?’
As we go deeper, we find that in giving in this way it creates a space within us that has to be filled. Nature abhors a vacuum! So when we give offerings like this, transactional offerings don't do the same thing. If I take $10 out of my wallet and give it to you to get you to do something for me there is not a forceful desire in the universe to quickly rush in and replace the space that $10 took up. But when we give in reciprocity with this different mood and intent we do create a space within us and it's like the whole world conspires to try to fill it back up.
When we give in reciprocity, when we give from the deepest part of ourselves regardless of what kind of gift, it's coming from our spirit- that's where it's rooted. We create a space where the person we're giving to has this ability and this impetus and if we look at the old Indo-European pagan traditions we find that those engaged in this communicative contract are oath-bound to respond in kind.
The second of the three mysteries is that by gifting in this way we create a space within us where the thing we’re asking for can actually be given. It has space, place, and permission. This gets us past asking for something that we’re really not ready to receive, and in getting out of our own way so that needed change can actually take place. It’s pure magic on every level.
The third mystery is that when we give, especially to our non-human allies such as to the plant spirits, herbwise ancestors, heroes, deities, spirits of place, and the like, our offering passes through the hedge or the boundary or the veil to the other world. In order for our offering to get from where we are right now to the paradigm the perspective of where our allies are it has to cross through that boundary to get there. What happens in that crossing through as that it creates an opening, space, permeability. The membrane starts to thin or become perforated. That permeability happens through our sentiment, through our ritual actions, through the offerings that we choose, through the sacred spaces where we place those offerings, through any petitions or prayers or charms we use to ask the ally to accept the offering. We see this so often in old paganism that more the simple prayer that goes along with the offering is just that it will be accepted… not that you'll accept it so I can get something but that it will be accepted so that we can become kin!
People ask a lot about what to offer and how to make offerings to the plant spirits. Offer from the heart. Offer in the same way that you buy a birthday present for someone you love. Choose something that you think your ally will appreciate. As humans, one of the magics that we bring to the table comes from our thumbs… our ability to craft, to make, and to transform. Handmade gifts, be they fresh baked bread or handcrafted mead or jewelry or written poetry or song or the playing of a musical instrument or a drawing- all of that is so valuable and meaningful to our non-human spirit allies of all types. Something that we made comes from our world in a way that is so other to them that it takes on a deep value in the same way that so many of the things that come from their world are so other to us.
There's no limit other than what we leave in wild spaces should be ecologically supportive to that space- that we're not leaving garbage or trash or tying things around tree limbs or even bringing in food that can rot and cause problems. We're always acting as a guest- we're stepping into every space acting as guest so that the hosts of that space can act as host. We see this in a reconstructed proto-Indo-European word *ghosti- from which we get both our words guest and host showing how integral these relationships are to spiritual wellness.
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